


Heart, Don't Lie

by Leen_PhoenixRae



Category: The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-02-13
Updated: 2017-05-05
Packaged: 2018-09-24 00:49:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 7,931
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9692297
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Leen_PhoenixRae/pseuds/Leen_PhoenixRae
Summary: Does she or doesn't she?Does he or doesn't he?They've known each other for almost four years now. The pull of attraction was there from the moment he woke up from his coma and throughout the entirety of their working relationship.She loved and hurt and loved again, only to get hurt once more.He pined for the same woman since he was a kid, and got hurt countless times trying to get her to see him as someone other than her adoptive brother. He tried moving on with other women, but in the end the relationships never lasted.Will they realize that they were meant to be each other's 'happily ever after' before it was too late?





	1. I -  Caitlin

**Author's Note:**

> AUTHOR'S NOTE: This is my first time writing a Flash fanfic featuring my fave ship (SnowBarry). Giving you a heads up now, this story is AU in regards to the SnowBarry relationship and certain events that happened between this two characters.

_Two years ago (almost)_  
  
OH, MY HEAD. It feels like a hundred or so Girders are doing the Macarena accompanied by a thousand jackhammers to add that heavy bass vibration that amped the headache already residing in my head. Not to mention my mouth felt like the Sahara desert – and tasted like sandpaper!  
  
Thank God it was Friday. I can always ask to be excused early...unless we get a lead on Peek-a-Boo, then it’ll be all hands on deck.  
  
“Ugh!” I groaned out loud and turned to roll on my side, but a deadweight draped over my stomach made me pause from making any more sudden movements.  
  
What the hell happened last night? Did I hook up with anyone at the bar? Did Barry let me go home with some random guy? Oooh, Allen was a dead man if he did! The Flash or not, I can make Cisco create something to keep him from running away from me while I do my best to kickbox his behind to next week.  
  
I slowly turned my head to the other side of the bed where I was sure the owner of the arm (I’m pretty sure the deadweight over my stomach was an arm belonging to someone – most definitely a male someone) draped over my stomach was fast asleep (I hope he was asleep because I wouldn’t know what to do if I turned and found out my bedmate was awake and watching me). I closed my eyes just before I turned my head a full one-eighty angle. I was too scared to find out who it was I can’t remember taking home with me last night.  
  
I seldom get plastered when I go out. The odd times I joined Cisco and Barry for happy hour (or some semblance of it after a job well done saving the city) two drinks was my limit regardless whether I felt buzzed or not. And if I wanted to get wasted, Barry was always there to take me home since Cisco was equally as plastered as I was (and FYI, that only happened once after celebrating fighting – and winning – a really nasty meta of the week). And last night I knew I drank way over my two-glass limit, and since I was with Barry I thought he’d help me out and make sure to keep me from doing something stupid – like hook up with some random guy and make some crazy, I can’t remember (I’m not lying, half of what happened last night was a really dark, foggy haze!) sexy adult fun afterwards – that I’d regret in the morning.  
  
Like right now. _Right this very damn moment._  
  
“Barry, you’re a dead speedster,” I groaned as my head came to a stop facing the side of the bed where my still unknown bed partner lay. I kept my eyes closed tight and did a bit of yoga breathing exercises to calm my nerves before slowly prying them open. I first pried my eye close to the pillow while I tried to spot my soon-to-be-known bed partner. “Are you kidding me?!” I blurted out loud once I recognized who it was I ended up in bed with the night before. Forget my initial apprehension about finding out who I took home with me from the bar, and forget that deadweight of an arm over my stomach. I sat bolt up the moment his familiar face registered in my migraine-induced brain, his arm resting on my stomach was carelessly tossed off its comfy perch and that, coupled with my high pitched screech (yes, I did give out an ugly screech that I wouldn’t admit to anyone if I was later questioned about), woke him up.  
  
Oh, he looked so cute, warm, rumpled, innocent, fuzzy from sleep and sexy as hell first thing in the morning. I think my heart just did a couple of Olympic-worthy somersaults and some exciting jolt shot down that area below my waist at the sight of him.  
  
Wait, what was I thinking? I shouldn’t be thinking some fun naughty thoughts between me and my bed partner right now.  
  
I waited until he calmed down from the shock of being shrieked awake. He took a couple of deep, calming breaths before turning to look at me. It didn’t take long to register what caused my initial panic when I saw his blue eyes widen in recognition (and realization too I think).  
  
“Oh shit,” he muttered, his eyes never wavering from holding mine as we both sat staring at each other, me with the blanket clutched to my chest and him with the blanket pooled around his waist, exposing his near perfectly sculpted torso for my eyes to feast on.  
  
Oh shit indeed. It about summed up this unexpected dilemma we seem to be faced with.


	2. II - Caitlin

_Ten weeks later..._

Are we okay?” Barry asked while he hovered behind me. We just took down Everyman and he was safely locked up in our specialized metahuman containment cell in the basement of S.T.A.R. Labs. I’d been avoiding him since that incident with the Fake Barry (Everyman got to him first and copied the real Barry, leaving the Real Barry tied up, gagged and locked up in his bedroom closet) while I was finalizing the serum that would render Everyman powerless for a short period of time. I sensed something was off when Fake Barry started hitting on me. Granted a few weeks back we woke up in _my bed_ together sans our clothing and whatever happened the night before was a complete blank in my mind, but Barry and I managed to skate around _that incident_ until Everyman decided to hit on me.

            “Y-yeah,” I stammered walking with at least a good two feet distance between us as we left The Pipeline. Dr. Wells already wheeled himself out and bid Barry and I a good night; Cisco was still in Starling City with Detective West.

            “Are you sure?” He didn’t sound convinced.

            “Yup,” I nodded while still avoiding looking at him. I can’t let him look me in the eyes ‘coz I know for sure he’ll know that I was hiding something. Granted I can’t remember a single thing that happened between us that night a couple of months back, but I was pretty sure some amount of kissing was involved and damn, I can’t even remember what it felt like to be kissed by the _real_ Barry Allen and not some imposter like Hannibal Bates!

            “Caitlin,” he reached out and grabbed my hand, tugging me back so I’d stop walking.

            So much for him dropping this discussion.

            I took a deep breath and slowly turned to face him. I tried to pull my hand away, but Barry held on to my hand tight.

            “You’ve been avoiding me since you slapped me awake, which, by the way, still stings,” he added the last part on a lighter note, a mischievous glint lighted those damn baby blues of his that sometimes turned my brain to mush and my knees to jell-o’s.

            “I didn’t hit that hard,” I argued. I might’ve used all the strength I could muster when I slapped him back to consciousness. I was panicking when I found him and still reeling from the kiss Everyman stole so I just _acted._

            “Tell that to my jaw,” and to prove his point he started flexing and rotation his jaw.

            “Barry—”

            “Did he hurt you, Caitlin?” He cut me off before I could finish my sentence. I contemplated on teasing him, but the seriousness in his tone as well as his face made me think twice about joking about what I was going to say. I felt his hand grip mine tighter, his supposedly stinging jaw clenched tight and his usually smiling baby blues turned icy. “Did _he_ hurt you while impersonating _me_?” he demanded.

            “Barry—” again he cut me off, and this time he closed the space between us and I found myself once again having my personal space invaded by none other than Mr. Barry Allen, only this time it was _really him_ that was standing so close to me and looking down at me with those blue eyes that have grown all too familiar to me ever since he woke up from his coma a few months back.

            “Caitlin, I know things between us have been _iffy_ since that night we went to the karaoke bar—” I rolled my eyes at that; talk about _major_ understatement, “—but we managed to get past the awkwardness and actually _talked_ about it,” he pointed out, which was true.

            Yes, it was awkward the first 48 to 72 hours since we both woke up naked in my bed, but after we wrapped up the Peek-a-Boo case Barry and I actually talked – over coffee at Jitters since neither one of us trusted ourselves around alcohol after what just so recently happened – and agreed that it was a momentary lapse in judgement; we were both lonely, yadiyadiyada, and we agreed to bury the hatchet, so to speak. And it worked, actually. Now I won’t lie and say that I never thought about that night or the morning after; there were times when I find myself woolgathering, wondering what kind of a lover Barry Allen was considering I had no clear recollection of what happened _after_ we left the bar (some incidents were hazy, but I was pretty sure I told Barry I wasn’t feeling well, which was what prompted our fast getaway from the bar that night).

            “Barry—” Again he cut me off, and it was starting to annoy me that I couldn’t get a word in edgewise.

            “Cait,” he let go of my hand, but just as I thought I could walk away from him I felt his hands on my arms and I was slowly being turned so I was fully facing him, “I _know_ something happened with you and Everyman, otherwise you won’t be this jumpy around me.”

            “What makes you think my jumpiness had anything to do with whatever Everyman prancing around as you did while you were unconscious?” I needed to turn this conversation around and deflect discussing whatever happened between me and Everyman while he was masquerading as Barry.

            “It can’t be about the Dr. Wells theory.”

            “And what made you so sure it wasn’t about that?” I challenged.

            “Because you’d be _angry_ at me, not jumpy whenever I get a foot near you,” he pointed out matter of factly.

            God, I hate it that he knew me well. Ronnie didn’t even know me as well as Barry did, and I was with Ronnie longer!

            “This will pass,” I insisted. And it _will_ pass, I just needed some space and maybe a damn distraction so I wasn’t thinking about it constantly. “And it wasn’t you, it was Hannibal Bates did whatever this is that’s causing me to be jumpy. But I’ll get over it,” I reassured him.

            I thought he was going to argue with me. He gave me this long, sideways look he gives someone when he was trying to figure something out. But thankfully he dropped it and I let out a silent prayer of thanks that he didn’t press me further. Instead he took my hand once again and led me out and away from S.T.A.R. Labs and towards CCPD.

            There was something far more pressing than my feeling awkward around my co-worker for a kiss that he wasn’t even the one who instigated it in the first place. Waiting for us in his lab back in CCPD was the answer to the puzzle that was Dr. Harrison Wells.


	3. III - Barry

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a bit of warning before you proceed reading. Things between a certain couple of characters heated up a bit in this scene, so consider yourselves warned. Also, I might've used some of the lines from the episode wherein this chapter was based off on, so again consider yourselves warned about that before you scream PLAGIARISM, thank you.

_Thirteen months later (give or take a week or so)..._

A breathless Cisco greeted Iris and I as soon as we got out of the elevator and headed for the Coretex.

            “Guys, you have to come see this,” he said then dashed away with Iris and I following after him.

            Iris and I exchanged confused looks but followed a very excited Cisco.

            “Cisco, what’s...” my voice trailed off the moment we entered the Coretex and movements from my peripheral caught my attention, making me turn my head towards where I saw the movement and staggered to a halt somewhere between the woman seated on one of the rollie chairs we have floating about while being examined by my father. “Caitlin,” I whispered her name as I slowly dragged my feet closer to her, dropping on my knees and taking her hands in mine.

            “I’m okay. I’m okay. He-he let me go. I didn’t think he would. I thought he was just setting up a trap, only he didn’t,” she said, her voice shaky but her smile didn’t quite reach her eyes. Gone was the light that was relit shortly after I started working with her and Cisco after I found out I became the Flash. She looked like a fragile shell of a woman shaken to the core. I wanted to pull her in my arms and keep her safe there forever if I could. She has been through enough since the particle accelerator exploded; just when she gave love and relationship another go again with Jay, he turned out to be the baddest and insanest mothereffer from another earth.

            I gave her hands a reassuring squeeze. I needed to know that she was indeed here and safe even though she looked worse for wear.

            “He told me you were dead,” her voice broke when she spoke and looked me in the eyes, her hand reaching up to cup the side of my face, reassuring herself that I wasn’t a figment of her imagination.

            “I’m not. I’m alive,” I reassured her, covering her hand with mine. “You’re safe now, Caitlin. Zoom’s not going to hurt you anymore,” I promised her.

            “He’s-he’s strong, Barry. And with your speed gone—”

            “It’s okay,” I cut her off, not wanting her to worry any more than she already have. “I got my speed back. I took a trip in to the speed force and got my speed back,” I gave her the Cliff’s Notes version on how I got my powers back, but later, after she has eaten and rested, I’ll fill her in on what happened.

            She frowned and cocked her head to the side in her usual Caitlin style whenever she was confused about something. She really looked cute and adorable whenever she did that. I was tempted to reach out and kiss her, but I had to contain myself. I didn’t want to make a spectacle of ourselves in front of friends, family and colleagues. God knows we have had quite a few awkward moments between us since our paths crossed that we both kept on shoving to the back and not bothering to touch on again.

            It took a while for Caitlin to understand how I got my speed back after Zoom (masquerading as the good guy, Jay Garrick) took my powers and kidnapped Caitlin for whatever insane reason he deemed fit at the time of taking her. I was powerless and was nearly choked to death by the maniac who was actually Hunter Solomon (where he got ‘Jay Garrick’ from I have no effing clue!), so I couldn’t rush off and beat Zoom to a pulp and save Caitlin.

 

#     #     #     #     # 

 

            I watched her sleep off the rest of her fatigue after making sure she had enough liquid and real food in her system before she went to sleep. I was afraid to take my eyes off her even for a nanosecond. Although S.T.A.R. Labs was well fortified with top-of-the-line security, still, Zoom was fast and could be in and out before anyone could blink. Unless he ran into me, of course, that would give him pause as I pummel my fist on his face for even attempting to harm Caitlin again.

            “How is she?” Iris appeared behind me in the med-bay where my dad put Caitlin after we convinced her she needed to sleep in order to regain her energy.

            “Fidgety,” I answered without looking at my childhood best friend and the object of my affection, or at least she was until Caitlin walked in to my life and started to cloud things.

            “Side effect of her abduction?”

            I shrugged. “Nightmares most probably,” I assumed. Now I really wanted Zoom dead more than ever. Caitlin would probably suffer from nightmares of what he put her through when he took her back to Earth 2 and kept her locked up in his twisted world for weeks.

            “She’ll pull through it, Barry,” I felt Iris’ hand over my shoulder giving me a reassuring squeeze. “Caitlin is a tough person. She bounced back from losing Ronnie, her husband of just a few hours. I’m pretty sure she will bounce back from this ordeal with Zoom too.”

            “I sure hope so, Iris, I sure hope so,” I reached over and placed my hand on hers, squeezing it in return. I still kept my eyes fixed on Caitlin.

            It was hours later, after everyone left and sought the solace of their beds, when Caitlin stirred from her sleep. Dad had to put her down with low doses of thiopental whenever she started having panic attacks. Her last injection of the barbiturate had been over three hours ago; she slept through the last one and was now just stirring.

            I quickly moved from where I was sitting close to the door keeping watch of her to her side on the hospital bed. She looked groggy still from the meds, but at least her lips and cheeks showed some semblance of colour compared to her death-white appearance when I first saw her. She was disoriented at first when she opened her eyes, and I could tell another panic attack was about to erupt, but I acted quickly and started soothing her.

            “Shh, it’s okay, Caitlin. You’re safe,” I whispered, gently petting her head, my hand cradling hers and giving it light squeezes.

            Her eyes flicked over to focus on my face. The room was dimly lit and I had the light behind me.

            “Barry?” she croaked.

            “I’m here,” I moved off the bed, hooked my foot on the chair I’d been using and pulled it towards me so I could sit down without letting go of her. “You’re safe now,” I repeated.

            She bit her lower lip, a Caitlin trait I’d grown to love and recognized as one of her ticks whenever her mind was racing thinking about whatever it was she was obsessing about at the moment.

            “Am I? Am I really safe, Barry?” she whispered, her voice breaking and tears fell from her eyes.

            It broke my heart to see her like this: defeated and definitely broken. This wasn’t the Caitlin Snow I know. She was strong, optimistic, very science-minded, but fierce especially when she was fighting for what she believed in.

            “I promise you, Cait, as long as I am breathing, I won’t let Zoom touch a hair on your head or lay a finger on your skin,” I vowed, squeezing her hand a bit harder than I intended to.

            “Oh Barry,” she gasped and surprised me when she reached over and put her hand behind my neck, pulling me towards her. She lifted her head slightly off the pillow and pressed her lips against mine.

            I was momentarily shocked to stillness by the unexpected action. But the shock wore off quickly and I responded to her kiss. I could hear a thousand and one voices screaming at the back of my head that this was wrong; I should pull away and put as much distance between us, which I did try to do, but Caitlin’s grip on my head tightened when I tried to pull away.

            “Cait, we can’t,” I whispered against her lips, nibbling on her lower lip while trying to coax her to let me go.

            “I want to make sure that this is real,” she replied, suckling on my upper lip just so before opening her mouth for me, her tongue snaking between our mouths and sought mine.

            Oh this was real enough, trust me. And this time it was _me_ she was kissing and not some other face-changing metahuman. I growled against her mouth and pushed myself up so I could sit back on the bed, pulling her up with me without breaking contact with each other.

            I pulled up surveillance footage of that day when Everyman impersonated me and caused Caitlin to act jumpy around me. I didn’t believe her when she told Hannibal Bates didn’t do anything to her. When I saw the footage and saw how he was all up in her personal space, taking advantage of her sweetness, I wanted to pummel his non-existent face.

            Caitlin latched on to me like someone who has been exposed to the harsh elements in the dessert and found an oasis teeming with fresh water for drinking. Things were getting a bit hot and heavy between us, and since I was the most stable between us, I _should_ put a stop to this make out session before we got jiggy right on this damn bed in the med-bay where anyone (Harry or Jesse most likely since they lived here in S.T.A.R. Labs) could walk in on us. Heck, I don’t want either one of my dads (Joe or Henry) walking in on me getting it on with a girl even though I know they were both aware I was no innocent when it comes to what goes on between a man and a woman. That would be one helluva awkward situation, and the conversation that would most likely ensue after that would be twice as awkward, not to mention the sermon I’d be receiving not only from my two father-figures, but also from Harrison Wells who’d most likely spew something about fornicating with a colleague.

            “Caitlin—” I tried to reason with her once again, but like my previous attempt, Caitlin stopped me, only this time she grew bolder (a regained enough energy from the looks of it) by coming up to her knees and pushing me back against the head of the bed until I had one leg straightened out on the bed and the other hanging off the side. Once she positioned me the way she wanted me, she straddled my thighs and resumed our kiss.

            Okay, I fantasized about doing something similar to this with her on and off since, oh, since that night we went to the bar and sang karaoke in front of about fifty people or so; that night might’ve been a complete fog as far as she was concerned, but not to me. I wasn’t as inebriated as she was that night, and yes, before you harangue me for being a dickhead for taking advantage of poor Caitlin, in my defence I _wanted_ what happened between us to happen since I saw her walked in to the bar wearing what she wore that night. But before you all completely crucify me for taking advantage of Caitlin, _no penetration_ happened. We pretty much did a helluva lot of heavy petting and we probably got to second or third base before guilt took over and I put a stop to what was going on between us before we ended up hitting a damn homerun and hate each other in the morning. She wasn’t happy that I ended things just as it was heating up, but she understood my reasoning – I hoped – and insisted we snuggle instead until she fell asleep, which was how I ended up asleep in her bed sans my clothes on.

            I’d be damned if I let this make out session of ours get as out of hand as the last time (not that I didn’t want it to because God knows I do, it just wasn’t the right time or place, dammit!).

            Cupping her face in my hands, I pried our mouths apart and I held her in place as gently as I could without hurting.

            “Cait, we can’t,” I repeated, meeting and holding her gaze, wanting to be sure that she understood what I was saying.

            “I _need_ this, Barry,” was her desperate plea.

            “I understand, Cait, I do. But you’re in a vulnerable state right now, and I don’t want to be an ass and take advantage of you when you are like this.”

            She stared at me for the longest time, those expressive big brown eyes of hers looking at me like she was only seeing me for the first time before she burst into tears once again. I was surprised by this and loosed my hold on her, which she took advantage of and dove in to embrace me, burying her face in the crook of my neck and sobbed her heart out.

            I don’t know how long I held her like that, straddling me, arms wrapped around me and her face wetting the side of my neck with her tears. I knew she needed that release. I didn’t ask her anything; I just let her be until the crying stopped and only slight hiccups remained. I rearranged us sometime later, but like before Caitlin hung on to me like her very life depended on it until she fell asleep. I dunno how we managed to fit in to the bed, but we did and that was how my dad, Joe, Harry and Cisco found us the next day fast asleep with Caitlin spooned in my arms fast asleep, our backs to the door so I couldn’t see our audiences’ faces.

            “What the hell happened last night?” I heard Joe ask.

            “She probably woke up,” that was Cisco.

            “Uh-hm, Caitlin woke up and invited Barry to sleep with her?” was Harry’s snarky response.

            “Did they?” that was my dad.

            “Did they what?” Cisco asked.

            “Sleep together,” Dad deadpanned.

            Silence.

            I held my breath, waiting for anyone of them to say anything. I didn’t dare stir from where I lay. I kept a still asleep Caitlin cradled in my arms, praying that she won’t stir awake until after we were alone again.

            “Clearly they slept together,” it was Cisco who broke the eerie silence, “but in a non-sexual way obviously,” he hastily added.

            I felt Caitlin stiffen in my arms then.

            Crap, she was awake.

            I gave her a slight squeeze and since my face was nestled between her neck and shoulder, I whispered, “Pretend you’re still asleep. Wait until they leave.”

            She acknowledged that she heard me by squeezing my arm that was protectively wrapped over her waist.

            It took the four of them another few minutes of watching and probably speculating before I heard their retreating footsteps. Even then I told Caitlin not to make a move just yet.

            “Well, that was awkward,” Caitlin huffed once it was just us once again in the med-bay.

            I chuckled in agreement, planting a kiss on the exposed skin of her shoulder in acknowledgment. Yes, _this_ was definitely awkward. I wonder what kinda talk we’d be having about what happened between us last night...


	4. IV - Caitlin

_Months later after Flashpoint..._

Barry’s blaming himself for what happened to me. And I might’ve said some harsh things to him during my stint as Killer Frost too that added to the guilt he was already carrying. I wanted to console him. I wanted to reassure him that I understood why he did what he did no matter how selfish it was of him to do so. But how do I do that?

            He has Iris now anyway. I mean, whatever happened between us that night a few months ago after I escaped from Zoom clearly meant nothing to him, just like that night we ended up in bed together and I woke up not knowing if we did or didn’t do it. We haven’t even talked about it. We just went on like nothing happened between us that night, and given the chain of events that followed that night we didn’t have the time to hash it out anyway, so we tabled it for a later discussion; a discussion that _never_ happened.

            Now we have Savitar to deal with and Iris’ impending death in his hands while Barry was helpless to save her. And now he was doing everything he could to prevent that outcome from happening in the not-so-far future.

            That alone tells me his priority has been and always will be Iris: his one true love.

            I used to have a one true love. His name was Ronnie. And he was only my husband for a short period of time before he was gone from my life again, only this time it was indeed permanent.

            But I move on. That was what Ronnie would’ve wanted. And I thought I have moved on; I even gave Jay a chance, but he turned out to be not the man we all thought him to be. He was Hunter Solomon masquerading as Jay Garrick, and boy he was a damn piece of work that Hunter who turned out to be Zoom and traumatized me.

            “A penny for your thought?”

            I snapped away from my momentary melancholy when I heard Julian – a new addition to Team Flash and Barry’s fellow CSI over at CCPD – over my shoulder. I quickly composed myself and hoped my smile reached my eyes before I looked at him.

            “Sorry?”

            Julian smirk-smiled at me. Sometimes I forget that he used to give Barry a hard time before we found out he was Alchemy; now he was a part of Team Flash and the one person who might be able to help me get rid of my Killer Frost powers.

            “You look distracted and sad there. I’m just here offering a shoulder to cry on and an ear to bend if you need them,” was his casual reply.

            If Julian was a type of food, I’d describe him as an acquired taste. He can be brash and arrogant and very stick-up-his-butt kinda guy, but once you really get to know the man behind all those, he was really a charming and sweet guy.

            “Thanks, Julian, I’ll keep that in mind.”

            “Are you sure you’re okay?” He was frowning at me now as he studies me. I felt like a sample being studied under a microscope with the way he was looking at me. He was genuinely concerned about me.

            “Yeah,” I nodded. “Yup, I’m okay,” I mustered to sound as ‘okay’ as I can and tried to smile wider hoping to convince him that I was indeed fine. I gotta admit, Julian was a good colleague, but he and I aren’t on that stage yet where I feel comfortable enough to spill my guts to him. He was a brilliant CSI who really knew his metahuman stuff, but as a friend...I’m not quite sure yet.

            “You certain?” He didn’t sound convinced.

            “Yes, I am certain,” I nodded again.

            He gave me a long look. Again I felt like a damn specimen under a microscope with the way he was looking at me. I started to feel fidgety, but thank God he quit looking at me like I was some prime specimen he was studying.

            “Okay. Well, if ever you need them, you know where to find me.”

            “Thanks, Julian,” And I really appreciate his concern. Cisco, Barry and even HR were concerned about my well being too, I’m sure, but we’ve worked alongside each other (mainly Cisco, Barry and I) to know when one needed some space.

            “Anytime,” he winked. He lingered for a bit and we discussed something that landed on his and Barry’s desk at the crime lab in CCPD. They weren’t sure if it was a meta attack or not; either way Julian was stumped and so was Barry so they brought it over to S.T.A.R. Labs.

            Julian distracted me from my melancholia with his talk about the case. Neither one of us realized it was already late until both our stomachs growled out loud in protest; we were both starving and neither one of us ate anything since before lunch.

 

* * *

 

 

JULIAN AND I RAN INTO BARRY on our way out for dinner. He just left the Speed Lab after checking on Wally’s progress with his training (they needed Kid Flash to top Barry’s speed in order to save Iris from the hands of Savitar a few months from now) and was headed out of the building too. He and Julian got to talking and I dunno how it happened but somehow Barry got wrangled in to joining Julian and I while we grabbed something to satiate our growling stomachs.

            “Thanks again, guys, for inviting me,” Barry smiled seated to my right.

            Julian was to my left.

            We occupied a semi-circular booth at one of Central City’s newly opened trendy fusion restaurant, and I ended up sitting in the middle while my two ‘dates’ for the evening flanked me on either side.

            “Anytime,” Julian smiled back. “Caitlin and I got busy talking about the case that neither one of us realized the time until our stomachs protested,” he chuckled, explaining the reason why we were leaving S.T.A.R. Labs late.

            “Did you guys make any progress?” Barry and Julian continued to talk about _their case_ and ignored me, who happened to be seated between them. I ought to feel annoyed that I was being ignored, but I didn’t mind sitting this conversation out. Besides, it wasn’t even a case I was involved in; Julian just brought it over to S.T.A.R. Labs in the hopes of picking my brain over.

            Barry and Julian talked shop for the next fifteen minutes before they both realized it was really getting late and all three of us have an early day tomorrow. Julian and Barry split the bill, insisting I don’t need to pay for my share since it was their treat. That was sweet of them, and completely unexpected since I was used to always splitting the bill every time.

            “Thanks again for dinner, guys,” I addressed both men once we were outside the restaurant waiting for our cars. Julian and I drove our separate cars since we lived on opposite ends from the restaurant.

            “This was fun,” Julian grinned, stepping closer to the curb when the valet brought his car over. He turned and engulfed me in a hug then extended his hand to shake Barry’s. “I’ll see you tomorrow,” he addressed us both before rounding his car and got in.

            My car was right behind his, which the valet rolled up right in front where I was standing. I thanked the valet and handed him some folded bills for tip.

            “You need a ride back to your place?” The offer was out of my mouth before I knew what I was saying. Barry lived past my place for Pete’s sakes!

            Barry cocked a questioning brow at me after he heard my offer. I saw a hint of a grin hover those thin lips of his.

            “I’m a little out of the way for you, Cait,” he reminded me.

            Yeah, like I didn’t realize my mistake two seconds after I blurted the invitation to drive him home. I don’t even know why I invited him; maybe it was because I missed hanging with him and we never really talked about what happened between us that night after I escaped Zoom.

            “You can always catch a ride with me to my place then _flash_ home,” I suggested.

            His grin turned to a smirk then thrust his hand out.

            I looked down at his hand and raised a brow questioningly.

            “What?”

            “Keys, please.”

            “Whatever for?”

            “If I’m to catch a ride up to your place, let me at least _drive_ there before I _flash_ on home the rest of the way,” he reasoned.

            That was a fucked up reasoning and I said it out loud to him. He just shrugged it off and using his super speed he snatched my car keys from me and opened the passenger door for me.

            “After you,” he gestured for me to step in, which I didn’t do right away, but after debating the chances of me snatching my keys back from him I relented and folded myself into the passenger seat. “Thank you,” he beamed and closed the door after securing me inside. He rounded the car and jumped into the driver’s seat.

            He rolled away from the curb and merged with the late evening traffic. Traffic wasn’t heavy so the trip to my place from the restaurant wouldn’t take long.

            “You and Julian seem to be getting quite chummy with each other,” Barry said while we were stopped at the lights.

            “You make it sound like it’s a bad thing.”

            “No,” was his quick denial, looking sideways at me and flashed me that rakishly boyish grin of his that made me think he had something naughty he was about to unleash. “I don’t mean anything by it. It’s just an observation.”

            “Uh-hm,” I didn’t believe him, and I knew that he knew I doubted his reasoning, but I didn’t bother saying it out loud.

            The rest of the drive to my place was peppered with general conversation from what we were discussing over dinner. Barry was seriously concerned about Iris’ impending demise at the hands of Savitar and he was worried how it would affect both Joe and Wally if he wasn’t able to stop it from happening. My heart went out to him and wished I could do more to help ease his pain and worry.

            Barry insisted on walking me up to my place after he parked my vehicle in the underground parking. I tried to decline his offer, but he reasoned with me that it was no biggie since he could always flash us to my place quicker; I insisted on using the elevator for our ascent up to my place on the thirtieth floor.

            “You really shouldn’t have walked me to my door, Bare,” I said while unlocking my door.

            “It’s no trouble, really, “ he insisted, standing guard behind me with his hands tucked in the front pockets of his jeans as he waited for me to open the door.

            “That’s sweet of you then,” I smiled once my door was opened. “Wanna come in for coffee?” The offer was out of my mouth before I could think of what I was saying. Really, what was wrong with me? Why do I keep blurting things out without thinking first?

            Barry’s smile could’ve lit up an entire stadium if that was ever possible after I initiated the invite.

            “I’d love to,” he accepted without thinking twice and beat me inside. He used his super speed to get inside probably before I changed my mind, which I don’t think I’d be doing, but somehow a voice at the back of my head was screaming at me that this was a bad idea.


	5. V- Caitlin

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AUTHOR'S NOTES: Based on the shows' most recent episode, I'm fudging the chain of events, per se, for this chapter to fit the storyline I'm working on here. I know my previous chapters pretty much followed the series' timeline, but for the sake of where I want this story to go I have to make some creative judgement calls and change things around a bit.

_A few weeks later..._

Something’s up with Barry, but I just can’t put my finger to it. Finding Savitar was still top on his list, but after his visit to the future he seemed more troubled than before. Iris’ impending death still loomed over everyone’s heads, especially over Joe and Wally’s heads for sure since she was daughter and sister to those men. And Barry...well, what can I say? He was Barry, carrying the weight of the damn world on his shoulders as usual and putting on the brave face that I know for sure was filled with a gazillion cracks and chinks here and there.

            And recuperating from his broken brief engagement to Iris.

            Oh yes, Barry Allen _proposed_ to Iris West thinking that by marrying her he’d be changing her future.

            I was both happy and sad when the news of their engagement was shared with us. I certainly didn’t see that coming even though at the back of my head I knew Iris was Barry’s first love. He was clearly head over heels crazy for her when we first started working together. I spent many a night – or day, depends on when his latest Iris-trouble comes up – listening to him talk about his one-sided feelings for his foster sister.

            Before Flashpoint I’d say Barry and Iris ending up together was far from happening, but after Flashpoint things changed. Iris suddenly realized her true feelings for Barry and reciprocated it, to Barry’s delight. Watching them together wasn’t easy, but since we all work closely together I had to take one for the team and accept that situation’s changed and I am friendzoned even though we shared a crazy moment months ago while I was recuperating after being kidnapped by Zoom.

            I guess I took a page out of Barry’s book and became him. Whatever feelings were present that night it was only one-sided and mostly coming from me. But his response...he wouldn’t have responded the way he did if he didn’t have an inkling to having the same feelings I was wrestling with that night, would he?

            We had an unexpected heart-to-heart talk that night he drove me home after our dinner date with Julian. I didn’t think anything was plaguing his mind until we stepped in to my apartment and I closed the door...

 

* * *

 

_That night after dinner with Julian..._

            SOMETHING WAS WRONG. Caitlin can tell the moment she led Barry into her apartment and closed the door. She watched his shoulders sag forward and his walk seemed heavier. He just returned from his brief jaunt to the future to talk to his future self and ask him how he trapped Savitar, but instead of overwhelming relief he looked twice as troubled than before he decided he’d venture to the future in search of help.

            “Coffee?” Caitlin offered after depositing her keys in the bowl on the bureau by the door.

            “Sure,” Barry nodded and headed for the sofa.

            Caitlin watched him go and make himself comfortable on one of her living room furniture. She followed him to where he sat and walked in front of him and sat down on the low wooden coffee table.

            “Bare,” she started, biting on her lower lip as she watched him slouch down in his seat until he was comfortable. She waited until his gaze leveled with hers before tentatively placing her hands on his knees, giving them a light squeeze before continuing, “are you okay?”

            Barry didn’t answer right away. He held her gaze longer, sucking in deep, long breaths before slowly expelling them. He pulled himself up and lifted Caitlin’s hands from his knees, but he didn’t let them go. Instead he laced his fingers with hers and gave them a squeeze.

            “I’m sorry, Caitlin,” he said brokenly, his eyes pooling suddenly with unshed tear and the facade he kept on for the sake of everyone in the team was discarded.

            “Barry—”

            Barry cut her off by placing his index finger against her lips, silencing her from saying whatever it was she was about to say.

            “I _know_ who Savitar is,” he confessed.

            Caitlin clasped his index finger in her hand and pulled it away from her lips. “That’s great, Barry. That gives us the advantage,” she smiled encouragingly.

            Barry smiled back, but it didn’t quite reach his eyes nor did it look sincere.

            “That’s not...good?” Caitlin frowned, tilting her head sideways slightly as she studied the troubled man seated in front of her.

            “How do you fight your own shadow?” He asked, his eyes moving over her face like he was remembering every slope, every line, every nuance she made.

            “Bare, I don’t—” Caitlin’s words were cut off when Barry cupped her face and pulled her forward, capturing her parted lips with his, kissing the rest of her words away.

            Caitlin was caught unaware by the kiss and didn’t respond immediately. He must’ve sensed it too and softened the kiss. He teased her lips until they parted enough to welcome his tongue to snake past her lips and into her mouth. When Caitlin surrendered to the kiss Barry took advantage and pulled her forward towards him until she was on top of him, legs straddling his thighs on the sofa as their kiss turned demanding.

            Even after the events of Flashpoint and his brief engagement to Iris, Caitlin and everything that happened between them kept a permanent place in the back of his mind. He often wondered the could-have-beens and what-might-have-beens if he hadn’t acted on impulse and went back in time to change his past. Would it have stopped what he saw in the future and what happened to Caitlin?

            “I’m really, _really_ sorry, Caitlin,” he whispered, breaking their kiss and cupping her face in his hands, his eyes beseeching hers.

            Caitlin relaxed on top of him, her hands covering his, and a slow smile hovered over her lips.

            “There’s nothing to be sorry for, Barry. You didn’t think I might be affected after you reversed Flashpoint and rightened the wrong.”

            “If I didn’t go back in the first place to create it, then you wouldn’t even _be_ Killer Frost.” His eyes dropped on the necklace she was wearing. Julian and Cisco worked out a way to make the cuffs Cisco designed to subdue metas so they can’t use their powers to last longer and look fashionable too by fashioning it as a pendant on a silver chain that Caitlin wore under her tops; it also gets recharged via solar energy so it lasts longer than the cuffs.

            “Maybe, or maybe not,” she shrugged. She remained straddled over his lap, but sat back and pulled his hands that were cupping her face and rested them on her thighs. “Barry, we’ve been through a lot since you woke up from your coma almost four years ago. And we’ve battled through everything thrown our way since metahumans emerged. We even found a way to suppress my metahuman side thanks to the necklace Julian and Cisco whipped up,” she smiled.

            Barry’s eyes dropped to where he knew said necklace was hidden underneath her top, then he flicked his gaze back up to meet hers. His eyes spoke volumes even if his mouth remained shut. Caitlin saw what was tormenting him, or at least a part of what was burdening him.

            “Oh Bare,” she whispered and leaned down hoping to kiss away his worries.

            Barry responded to her kiss, his hunger for her taste amplified. He wanted to devour her and lose himself in that kiss and in her arms. He shared what he learned from his future self with the team after he returned back from the future, but he didn’t share _everything_ with them. He withheld Savitar’s identity. Heck, he didn’t even mention finding out who Savitar was during his trip. He just informed the team about Dr. Tracy Brand and her invention that eventually captured and trapped Savitar in the Speed Force.

 

* * *

 

 

_Present time..._

            I NEVER FOUND OUT WHO Savitar was, and I didn’t ask him even though I felt Barry wanted to share Savitar’s identity with me so much. But I also sensed that every time he brought him up, he got this sad look in his eyes when he looked at me and I can’t help but feel this overwhelming dread envelope me. Even though he didn’t elaborate on why he kept on apologizing to me that night, deep down I think I knew which version of me he saw in that future he visited.


End file.
